To Respect or To Fear

This weekend was really laid back. Not a great deal going on. Dinner with friends at P.F. Chang’s turned up being eventful. The wait was awful but we ended up getting a great table outside on the patio. I am usually a purist when it comes to drinks – but the raspberry mojito that the waiter suggested wasn’t bad. My girl Diva – the label mate of the bunch—hit us with vintage Prada and Big J rounded out the evening. Diva has this uncanny ability to make you spend money without even thinking about it until long afterward. This outing was supposed to be just dinner but I ended up doing some shopping thanks to THE DIVA. I picked up a moderately expensive belt that I really didn’t need. But like Diva said – “don’t you just feel better”. I did – for the moment.

It was my usual at P.F.’s. Kung Pao Chicken with Lo Mein. She had the Orange Peel Shrimp. I am still trying to figure out what Big J had (I’m not sure that he even knew). Dinner was great and ended with a brief walk around and a stop for take home treats from the Cheesecake Factory.

It was such an eventful urban evening that it didn’t even feel like we were in Jacksonville. Who knew?

Sunday, I attended a quaint little church service with my cousin. It was a special program sponsored by one of her co-workers. Jazzy E (My Cousin – we mad tight) was looking like the style maven that she is as usual and I was happy that she invited me. The message came from two ministers and centered around the theme of being suitably connected. The message really spoke to me. Often we have a “hook-up” with our friends, relatives and co-workers but can we really get to a point where we are connected suitably. Then comes the major question – are we suitably connected to GOD? It’s like he is there for us but are we ready to receive what he has to offer.

Sunday evening I spent some time catching up on correspondence at the office returning emails and preparing for the week ahead. Afterward, I had dinner (which was really breakfast) with a friend and that’s where things got interesting.

During dinner we had a discussion and one of the things that he said during our verbal spar was, “I am not going to be afraid of you like others are”. This blind sighted me because I thought that our conversation was pretty light. Of course our discussion became heated and then simmered but the statement made me think.

I work very hard to maintain my commitment to excellence. Some may call it perfectionism. Some may say that I am a workaholic but no matter what is called, I like to do what ever I choose with panache. My grandmother always used to tell me, “Baby what ever it is you do – make sure you have done it better than it has ever been done.” This advice has stuck with me all of my life and I know that my success is do in no small part to her teaching.

Nevertheless, it got me to wondering – Does what is perceived as respect sometimes equal fear? If so, why?

Seriously, I am sure that everyone knows that none should be feared but GOD. That is my belief. Truthfully, there is nothing that a mortal can do to me, take from me or give to me that adds that much validity to my life. If anyone had that power the only reason that it would exist is because I gave it to them. I choose to retain power for my life and therefore be the man that I am.

In thinking about it who would want to be feared? If people were so afraid of you they may not be willing to tell you something that would help out or even something simple like you have a piece of toilet paper hanging off of your shoe. You would have no friends and those people who did hang around would only be there for what they could get out of you. Anyone who has been a leader knows that fear is not the way to rule because you will be constantly afraid of losing your position. Respect and admiration are positive emotions that inspire love and loyalty.

In the end, I guess that confidence could be misconstrued as power – thus evoking fear. Even though perception is reality, it is the internal issues of others that make them think that you have any power over them.

So as I think of it – man up, that’s your problem – not mine!