No Pain No Gain -- So When Does the Gain Come?

So I am sitting here in true multi-tasking form. Watching the Jaguars play New England, blogging and of course washing clothes. When I was a kid my grandmother told me that I was never to wash clothes on New Year’s Day or on the first three Friday’s of the New Year less someone would be washed out of the family.

Of course my faith and belief in God trumps superstition but in some small way it keeps a bit of my grandmother and her wisdom alive in my life.

As for the football game, I was starting to get excited but it seems as though New England is coming back. Jacksonville had things tied up through the half, which is a feat within itself. Nevertheless, I haven’t given up on my beloved Jaguars just yet! Rasheen Mathis is making it do what it do!!

Aright so on to the real story. As I said I had been kicking it extra hard from the holidays until now. Or so I thought. You know I am that kind of brother that opens doors, listens to conversations to purchase or make those sentimental gifts that truly mean something or just be the moral support when needed. But you know one of my friends (The Designer) said something that has resonated with me every since. He said, “Rahman when anyone dates you, they have to step up to the plate and at the very least grow up. You are the kind of guy who has a lot going on. Your light is so bright that if there are those who are intimidated or lacking in confidence, your light shows their inadequacies”.

Ain’t that the truth!

So anyway I went home to help with the burial of my stepmother and had not heard from Lisa (cause she is bohemian like Lisa Bonet) and chalked it up to the holidays and her not being available. I will say that deep down I wondered what the issue was and I knew something was wrong but I never could quite put my finger on it. As a holiday gift, I got her the BIG I-Pod (you know the one). But the kicker was, I didn’t just get her the I-Pod. I made a special playlist (that took me two days to design). They were songs that had meaning and sent messages. At least I thought that was more special than just giving someone an I-Pod.

Nevertheless, after getting back to Philly and calling for a few days – she contacted me.

FINALLY . . . .

THOUGH AN EMAIL!

She sent me an email!

The gist of the email was first an apology for not keeping contact. Second the fact that when I said I loved her it made her question the validity of that statement and finally, that “I am a amazing guy with a bright light that she was not equipped enough to handle”. WOW! I just received a break-up – via email!

I am not sure weather to laugh, cry or just look dumbfounded!

I mean truthfully I wasn’t looking for a relationship and at the very least I was hoping that since I had let my guard down a bit I had found a friend.

I guess that just wasn’t in the cards.

She of course agreed to meet and talk about the situation (per her request) broke the meeting and has yet to call to reschedule. I am not sure at all what to expect at this point. There is a vulnerable part of me that feels “some kind of way” about the situation. Then there is the major part of me that says please – they are not ready!

Then again, I wonder.

Quite often, I have been cool with friends and on the verge of relationships with those who said “you are just too much”. Although because I am working hard on my career, being their for friends and championing causes that I believe will make the world better place -- I still like to have fun. No, it is not all about smoking a blunt or going to the next party for me. It’s not about bringing every woman I come in contact with to my house to bang out. It defiantly is not about impressing anyone. It is simply to adhere to my long running mantra to leave the world a better place than it was when I arrived.

I guess in way, having it together has its drawbacks. However, all that I know is success. Failure is not an option. If you can’t deal with an upgrade, then I guess I really didn’t need you in my life anyway.

It was a necessary lesson. But one that hurt none the less.

Today’s Thought: “A necessary pain today prepares you for the appreciation of tomorrows pleasure.”