Does It Really Matter

O.K. – By definition, love is the kind of thing that throws you a sucker punch. No matter how prepared you think you are for what’s coming. Things come out of nowhere and sit right in front of you like here I am. Then, you have to figure out how to deal with the curve ball you’ve just been thrown. Ain’t it just grand!

As for me, I hadn’t quite given up on the prospect of being attached again. If I do say so myself, I am a pretty good catch. But that brings to mind the question, where are the ones to be caught? They couldn’t be found so I resigned myself to enjoying ME and falling in love with ME all over again. I know it might seem selfish just to deal with myself but more than selfish, I see it as safe. Seriously, dates with me mean – (1) I always know who I am going home with at the end of the night, (2) when I leave no one else has to be dropped off at home and (3) no bullshit! Granted that eating at the boutique bistro alone or checking out a movie by myself was a little disconcerting at first but given time, it worked.

But as life often throws, the curve ball comes.

Recently as I was enjoying ME, I took an invitation to join some good friends for dinner. At dinner, a quazi-ex (this doesn’t need defining) shows up to join us. Now, it was all good but there was immediate chemistry between the ex and I. That’s when the questions started. Am I just infatuated with this person? Do I just want sex? Is this for real? I mean they all come rushing back a mile a minute. After great conversation at dinner we spent part of the night talking alone. Nothing major happened. Maybe a kiss or two with plans for a date the next night.

The next night was great. The early dinner on the beach and movie hit the spot. It was cool to have some one to hang out with for a change. But why now and why an ex?

I guess in reality it was what it was, that which it was. This situation, much like life, could only happen one day at a time. No matter how much we try to figure out what is supposed to happen and who we are supposed to love (or like) that’s how the game is played. It’s a rule of thumb. From our vantage, love will always come from the wrong person at the wrong time. Truthfully, does life really give us things we want when we want them?

As for me, I don’t think I will end my rituals of my dinners and movies alone or my manicure and pedicure days or even my daydreaming about meeting that special specimen of perfection. That’s all the fun of being a unique individual. For now, I’ll take it for what it’s worth, enjoying sharing my ME time with someone else and taking this new found “friend” thing . . . one day at a time.